One of the reasons I decided to publicly announce this writing project is because I am tremendously lazy. Given the chance, the best of my intentions will easily go unfulfilled. For proof, see last year. The year of resolutions idea was germinated last December. I kept it to myself and as time passed the idea fell away. It’s hard to ignore something when people are watching though and this is why I have committed to doing this project in front of an audience.
I really have no idea what I am doing. Like so many other big projects in my life I can not fathom what the end will look like. So it was with medical school, residency, starting a family, breast cancer, and finally Olivia’s cancer. This last one has recently come to its hopefully final conclusion. My three-year old daughter Olivia just completed her last treatment for the tumor we found in her brain this summer. When she was diagnosed there were moments when I couldn’t bear to look further than six hours into the future. Both my husband and I took what he calls human bites and it helped us endure. Her experience changed our family and ourselves. I seized a moment of bravery to begin this project so now I guess there is nothing to do but write it. As I write this, she is sleeping soundly next to me in bed. She is the bravest girl I know and she is only three. I suppose being scared about writing and agreeing to walk in the Susan Komen 3-day walk just doesn’t hold up in comparison to what she has braved these last six months.
I cannot for the life of me see the end of this project, nor can I imagine how I am going to walk 6o miles over 3 consecutive days. I can however see the next step and I guess for now that is enough. I think I just took my first human bite.