lesliepurchase

But, in the end, last night I flossed my teeth before bed.  That is how the year begins.  Without perfection but with intention.  If I can sustain the intention the perfection will come.  For those of you who are new to the blog, the idea is to take one resolution for each week of the new year and live it for that week only.  I have a list of 52 resolutions and a loose plan but little else. We moved homes on December 26th so life has been a bit hectic over the last few days.  We don’t even have an internet connection yet.  When I was formulating this plan the first resolution I thought of was to floss every day. Yesterday, as evening approached I was struck with panic at the thought that I hadn’t done anything special yet.  I yelled at the kids. I didn’t eat five fruits. I was short with my husband.  I slouched. Yikes.  Then it hit me, good ole flossing.  I flossed before I flopped into bed and the resolutions were officially kicked off.  Now I just need to floss every day for the next six and the first resolution will be checked off the list.  I love checking things off of lists.  Hope everyone had a great new years.

As the year winds down the enormity of my project looms large. I have been dutifully compiling the list and taking some great suggestions from friends. I’ve even begun to try out a few of the resolutions in small chunks. I sat up straight for an entire hour. I flossed every night last weekend. You know, baby steps.

There are many logistical details left to be worked out. For starters, I’m not sure how to choose the resolutions for which week.  Should I group them by theme? Would being a better mother resolutions all fall into the same month?  Would I just burn out being sweet all the time and should I break it up with some self-care too?  These questions will all get answered in time but for now I know a few things.  The fact that January 1st falls on a Sunday is ideal.  The resolutions will begin Sunday morning when I wake up and end Saturday night when I go to bed.  Saturday night while I sleep nothing will be expected of me.  I will list a handful of the resolutions at the beginning of the year but most I will keep secret until the week they are implemented.  Since I am doing this in the public eye I am sure there will be mistakes and things I should have done differently but I know that if I didn’t have the added push of people watching it would not get finished at all.  Feel free to offer suggestions as it goes along.  It will help me immensely.  I am also taking suggestions for what to start the year with.  Start small? Go big?  What do you think?

One of the reasons I decided to publicly announce this writing project is because I am tremendously lazy.  Given the chance, the best of my intentions will easily go unfulfilled.  For proof, see last year.  The year of resolutions idea was germinated last December.  I kept it to myself and as time passed the idea fell away.  It’s hard to ignore something when people are watching though and this is why I have committed to doing this project in front of an audience.

I really have no idea what I am doing.  Like so many other big projects in my life I can not fathom what the end will look like.  So it was with medical school, residency, starting a family, breast cancer, and finally Olivia’s cancer.  This last one has recently come to its hopefully final conclusion.  My three-year old daughter Olivia just completed her last treatment for the tumor we found in her brain this summer.  When she was diagnosed there were moments when I couldn’t bear to look further than six hours into the future.  Both my husband and I took what he calls human bites and it helped us endure.  Her experience changed our family and ourselves.  I seized a moment of bravery to begin this project so now I guess there is nothing to do but write it.  As I write this, she is sleeping soundly next to me in bed.  She is the bravest girl I know and she is only three. I suppose being scared about writing and agreeing to walk in the Susan Komen 3-day walk just doesn’t hold up in comparison to what she has braved these last six months.

I cannot for the life of me see the end of this project, nor can I imagine how I am going to walk 6o miles over 3 consecutive days.  I can however see the next step and I guess for now that is enough. I think I just took my first human bite.

I have a lot of ideas as to what things I should try to better myself but I would love to get feedback from you as well.  Feel free to leave a comment with a resolution you have wanted to try or you think I should try.

Welcome to my blog.  I have been thinking about writing this since late last year.  Finally, the time seems right.

Once you have kids you realize that you need to become the person you are trying to make them into.  It would be so much easier if they just listened to what you told them without actually having to model the behavior yourself.  Alas, like so many things worth doing, raising good kids by example is harder than it looks.  I have always been skeptical of New Years resolutions.  The crowded gyms that faded by April, the financial austerity that led to spring splurges all seemed futile. The unsustainable, unrealistic, guilt ridden feelings they stirred in me, I have always tried to avoid.  Plus, the notion of New Year’s resolutions seemed beyond my abilities. I was afraid of such herculean tasks as making a commitment that would take a year to accomplish. I guess I always assumed they all had an expiration date of one year. The thought of beginning and burning out loomed large and so I often never began at all.  Last year around this time I had a notion to compile a list of things I would be better for if I made them my New Year’s resolutions. I quickly became overwhelmed.  I couldn’t possibly attempt all these things at once or I would drive myself and everyone else in the family crazy.  What if I tried a new one each week?  I could devote all my attention and energy to a small improvement each week and hopefully the really good ones would stick.  I decided to try to make a new resolution each week my New Year’s resolution.  Fifty-two weeks, Fifty-two resolutions was my plan. I would end the year a better wife, mother, daughter, etc.

Last year the idea never got off the ground.  Life was busy.  On June 4th my previously healthy two year old daughter Olivia woke up and had a seizure.  A brain scan revealed a tumor and six months later she received her last dose of chemotherapy.  It was finally time to begin.

Here is my humble attempt to document my fifty-two week experiment.  I am grateful to have you join me.  Please feel free to leave comments and suggestion below.

Leslie